Life, in General part 2

Hence, the road trip.

“I want you to spend some time with your grandfather,” Duane explained to his son.

“I’ve got enough old people in my life,” said A.J.

“Hey, I don’t like old people any more than you do, buddy, but this is important. One of those ‘bookmark of life’ episodes I’m always trying to instill in your brain.”

“Download on my hard drive.”

“Whatever - all my crap that you usually ignore - well, this is gonna be a big one. And you’re going to see it up close and personal.”

“God, you gotta lot of issues I have to deal with, dad.”

“At least I admit my failures, A.J.” Duane realized that his son was getting worked up again, and he was actually proud that this 17 year old monster he had created possessed enough piss and vinegar to stand his ground. So he gave a little where a little was due, and turned to walk away. But -

“- he paid bills and tried to make his son happy. Put that on my tombstone. Then put that damn t.v. back in the house,” - he was still the daddy.

A.J. lifted the television from the trunk of Grandma’s car and shuddered when his father suddenly turned on his heels back toward his direction. His father’s illness had shaken his confidence in life. That some un-seen force of nature could cripple his father, extinguish all his fire and brimstone and leave him incapable of taking care of the every day business of living, was a shadow that forced it’s cast over their lives and A.J. hated dwelling there. It was despair in it’s truest form. He saw faith fall to indecision, even apathy, and felt the influence of fear over simple things that should not have had to share their space with the emptiness of anger. And anger was his father’s main emotion in the clutch of his illness.

Duane saw the fear in his son’s eyes, and his heart broke. For the thousandth time.

“Look. I just want you to get to know your grandfather.”

A.J. regarded Duane, standing there in the driveway. He had never seen tears in his father’s eyes before. His Great-Grandparents were there in the background watching from the back porch. The day was still gray with it’s season, gray maybe also, with the uncertainty of another change falling on his life. And maybe this was one of those memory moments that his father was always spouting-off about, when your conscious takes a picture and files it away in your mind’s history for future reference.

A breeze sprang from the hollow, causing him to think of the sound that words make when whispered by several people from a far away place.

But the tenacity of his resolve would not allow such beliefs as spooks and boogers who spelled their haints in the wind. That was an aspect of the farm’s culture that he left for the old folks to decipher. Life was for the living. If he had to share space with the echoes of the past, he was going to do so reaching for the future. Embarking on a road trip to reunite with a side of the family that he barely knew, in a dying town in California, was not what his ambition would consider to be forward motion, and he expressed these thoughts to his father.

Duane pondered his son’s anguish for a moment. A.J. already thought of him as the world’s biggest ass hole, so why should he worry about forcing the issue at this point. “We’ll talk about it in the car, A.J. We’re burnin’ daylight.”

“I guess I’m too dumb to understand, then, dad.”

“Whatever, A.J.,” Duane said., “You aren’t any dumber than anyone else on this Earth who’s just trying to make their way. I can’t explain a lot of things to you because there’s a lot of things that I don’t understand myself. But your grandfather is a smart man, probably the smartest man I’ve known, and I admire the way he has lived his life.” Duane considered his own words for a moment, and was struck by his own revelation. Then he said: “I want you to have his memory - to carry with you through your life. I believe that would be a valuable thing. But most of all, I want you to have his friendship.”

The Grandparents greeted Duane at the back porch. Ruby noticed the mist in her grandson’s eyes and said, “that looked like a heavy meeting of the minds.”

“I just can’t seem to make that kid happy,” Duane said, watching his son carry the television around the house to the front door.

“I know you like to spit ‘n git, Duane, but sit a minute, won’t you?”

Ruby waited until her grandson took a seat on the porch steps before having her say. She realized a long time ago that the footsteps of the soul never really caught up with the stride of life. Lessons learned were merely road maps to the next bend in the road, and the hard edge of the world always had a payment past due.

“A lot of people turn to the Lord in their desperation,” she said.

“I’ve never known you to be so religious, Grandma.”

“I’m just making an observation, Duane. Besides, this cancer has made me a short-timer and I’m trying to score some points before I’m called before the Almighty.”

“Pretty sure that’s the direction you’ll be going?” Orval mused.

“Orval, you need more sugar in your coffee,” Ruby observed, “and I’m just trying to say that sometimes you can find answers in places where you’ve never looked before.”

“I don’t know that I’m really looking for anything, Grandma.” Duane didn’t think God would want him, and the Devil didn’t seem to care. “I think I’ll just relax and welcome the sweet embrace of my own insanity.”

“That insanity comes from your Grandmother’s side of the family,” Orval offered.

“Orval, please - go say goodbye to your great-grandson and let me be for a moment.”

Orval gave Duane a wink as he stepped past. Duane and Ruby watched him saunter around to the car where A.J. was already strapped in.

“That boy’s in the car all ready?! He needs to say goodbye to you proper,” Duane realized, turning towards the driveway.

His Grandmother grabbed his arm. “Duane, your son and I said our goodbye’s earlier. It was our own goodbye, just me and him.”

Duane took a deep breath. “I guess I forget that he has a life of his own to live and it won’t always have to do with me.”

Ruby reached for her grandson, held his arms and said, “that boy has a heart of gold. That has everything to do with you. You’ve done a good job raising him. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that, but now someone has.”

The breeze picked up again. Duane brushed his Grandmother’s hair from her eyes.

“The ghosts are bidding you farewell,” she said.

“Okay, Grandma. Just don’t be ghost yourself when we get back here.”

Ruby embraced her grandson. “That’s not likely,” she said, letting him go. Another child into the wind. Again.

She watched her grandson shake his Grandfather’s hand, Orval not being the hugs and kisses type. She lost herself for a moment, seeing exhaust fall from the tail pipe but not really hearing the sound of the engine. Suddenly, Orval was beside her and the car was moving down the driveway. She realized too, the noise of the morning had found her again, and that time had returned also, leaving her with another moment to remember.

Duane had a sinking feeling of never seeing his Grandparents again. Before he put the car in gear he grabbed one more look. His Grandparents stood at the edge of the driveway. They were holding hands.

Orval and Ruby watched the car make it’s way toward the highway.

“I hope A.J. sets his mind in a better way towards this trip,” Ruby worries.

“He’ll be alright. He was born in Denver, wasn’t he?” Orval chuckles and gives his wife’s hand a squeeze.

Ruby sees the brake lights of her old car flash, then watches the car turn left, towards town, and her grandchildren toward a different story.